Donald Trump’s Grandmother Gertrude [Trump traces ancestry in America]

eric beaverThere’s a lot of chatter about immigrants, not at my work place (ham factory, America), but in the main stream media echo chamber. Sending immigrants back, cutting immigration in half, these are the policies screeched about on TV. There’s just too much shit string here, so I’m focusing on the attacks on Trump’s ancestry—the idea that we’re all descendants of immigrants, including Trump. Yes, Trump had parents, thanks CNN, but that’s where the shit string started. Here’s the truth.

Those living in North America can trace back to find their ancestors emigrating from another continent. The Native Americans even crossed into Alaska from Asia 20,000 years ago. This place was empty people, animals and plants, no people. Later on, whites and Africans came, we all know this. But did you know about the now extinct Giant Beaver (Castoroides), that lived in the Great Lakes region? Bet that wasn’t covered in state school.

The Giant Beaver was a majestic beast—an enormous 125 pound beaver that lived alongside our modern beaver. The giant beaver is relevant to today’s immigration debate. Whites and African-Americans can trace their claim here 50-400 years back, Native Americans 20,000 years, but those descended from the Giant Beaver have claim at 60,000 years here.

60,000 years ago, some Giant Beavers left the Great Lakes for the prehistoric island of Manhattan. The Manhattan Giant Beaver spent less time in the water and more and more time on land. These Manhattan Giant Beavers used the labor of the smaller cousin beavers to build structures on land. The structures were a mating ritual: the bigger the structure, the most beaver workers, the more likely of getting a hot Manhattan Giant Beaver trophy mate.

Over time, the Manhattan Giant Beavers relied more and more on their lesser cousin beavers for food and shelter. The Manhattan Giant Beaver, over thousands of years, lost their tail and took on a doughy humanoid form. Fast-forward to the last known Manhattan Giant Beaver, a female named Gertrude—Trump’s grandmother.

Trump’s grandfather, Friedrich Trump, emigrated from Germany in the 1800s and met Gertrude in New York at an oyster bar. Though she had no grasp of the German or English language (or any language in general) Gertrude fell in love with Friedrich, and his ability to exploit miners in the Seattle and Yukon mines. Likewise, Friedrich fell in love with Gertrude and her hoard of lesser beavers and the giant structures they slaved to build. Friedrich and Gertrude married and were able to breed, and after the deaths of several deformed humanoids, Trump’s father survived.

Trump is the only authority on immigration—he can trace his ancestry to the giant rodents that were displaced by the Native Americans. Reparations?

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